Numb

I cannot take this anymore
I'm saying everything I've said before
All these words they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance

I find the answers aren't so clear
Wish I could find a way to disappear
All these thoughts they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Nothing seems to go away

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling, I can't seem to find myself again
My walls are closing in
Without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced
That there's just too much pressure to take
I've felt this way before, so insecure

Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting, reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem to find myself again
My walls are closing in
Without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced
That there's just too much pressure to take
I've felt this way before, so insecure

I wanna run away
Never say good-bye

I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I try to catch them red-handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can't hold on, when I'm stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I'm lost within
I put on my daily facade but then
I just end up getting hurt again

I can't hold on
To what I want when I'm stretched so thin
It's all too much to take in
I can't hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in

Don't you know
I can't tell you how to make it go
No matter what I do, how hard I try
I can't seem to convince myself
Why I'm stuck on the outside

I want to be in another place
I hate when you say you don't understand
You'll see it's not meant to be
I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy

And I just wish that I didn't feel
Like there was something I missed

I've tried like you
To do everything you wanted to

Sometimes I need to remember just to breathe

Sometimes I feel like I trusted you too well
Sometimes I just feel like screaming at myself
Sometimes I'm in disbelief I didn't know
Sometimes I need to be alone

I wanna heal, I wanna feel,
What I thought was never real,
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long,
(Erase all the pain 'til it's gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel,
Like I am close to something real,
I wanna find something I've wanted all along,
Somewhere I Belong

When I pretend,
Everything is what I want it to be,
I looked exactly like what you always wanted to see,
When I pretend,
I can't forget about the criminal I am,
Stealing second after second just cause I know I can,
But I can't pretend that this is the way, it will stay, I'm just,
(Trying to bend the truth)

I remember what they taught to me,
Remember condescending talk,
Of who I ought to be,
Remember listening and all of that,
And this again,
So I pretended up person who was fitting in,
And now you think this person,
Really is me and I'm,
(Trying to bend the truth )

Too many times that I've
Held on when I needed to push away
Afraid to say what was on my mind
Afraid to say what I need to say
Too many things that you've said about me
When I'm not around
You think having the upperhand
Means you gotta keep putting me down
But I've had too many
Stand-offs with you
It’s about as much as I can stand

So many
People like me
Walk on eggshells all day long
All I know is that all I want
Is to feel like I'm not stepped on
There are so many
Things you say
That make me feel you've crossed the line
What goes up will surely fall
And I'm counting down the time
'Cause I've had so many
Stand-offs with you
It’s about as much as I can stand

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure, of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright

Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
'Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break

Time won't change this damage anymore